Recently, President Obama announced his roughly $3.8 trillion budget for 2010. And like every year, it produces many stories and discussions – both in favor and against.

Anyways, I overheard several people talking about the government’s problems – overspending, healthcare and taxes. The norm.

So I was certainly dumbfounded when I overheard one woman say: “We need to put in charge a woman with common sense – someone like Sarah Palin.”

I shutter at the thought of Palin in charge.

I had overstayed my welcome in a town that def. didn’t want me around. After almost 6 years, it just wasn’t the same anymore. I can still feel the moment when I lost my feeling of beloing, accepted and home. It was when I lost of my job.

I now have another midwest zipcode in a familiar area.

It’s funny. I never thought I would end up back here again. And yet, here is where is find myself. It’s been a crazy couple of months – holidays and the news never stops – so I’m completely sure just how happy or content this place makes me. I’m hoping the newness doesn’t wear off anytime soon, or at all for that matter.

So far, I like it. I’m a bit closer to some family members then I would like, but for now, it will work. I just home that front of things in my life stays calm.

Sometimes we are limited more by attitude than by opportunities.  – Unknown

I stumbled across this quote the other day at work. It struck a chord with me. And I’m not sure I like it very much. This quote is simple, powerful, accurate – and most importantly, right. I hate it. Or maybe I just hate that I’m filling uncomfortable by it, because I know it’s right. And there isn’t anything I can hide behind.

I have been and always will procrastinate. Being one, I know, hurts me in so many ways. With my personal life, work, opportunities, money, writing – it has penetrated every part of my life. I constantly have lists of things I’m going to get done. But somehow, it gets pushed off to the next day. And soon enough those days become weeks, months and even years.

I know that I’ve missed out on great opportunities. I know my attitude and procrastination have certainly played a part in it. I don’t like to think about it very much, because the near thought of it makes me sad. Yet, my thinking remains the same.

Maybe my being aware will have impact. Maybe my attitude will change.

I hope it does overnight. Or maybe I’ll put it off to another night.

Over the past year, I’ve been forced to re-assess what it is that I want to do. Change was pushed upon me in July 2008. Since then, I’ve been pondering my career options. In all honesty, in the beginning, I just ignored it – and hoped that magically, the decision would be made for me. But it wasn’t.

The background is this – I studied journalism in college. After college, I worked for several newspapers, writing about local government and politics. From there, I attended a graduate program and learned about state government and politics. Afterwards, I traded in the daily deadline beast for the ‘dark-side of communications,’ as true journalists say – public relations. And worse yet, government public relations for a state agency.

What I should have learned in all my writing and studying of politics in action, is that it helps to have political ties – and can hurt when you don’t. For the record, I don’t have any political connections and neither does my family. I made it to where I was on my own talent and abilities. It was my lack of political connections that overshadowed any good I had ever done.

I learned several things while working in PR. I am and always will be a journalist. This isn’t a good thing, if you have to spin a bad thing into a good thing. But most of all, I just missed being a reporter.

I missed telling the story. I missed the thrill of chasing down a story – especially, when everyone else thinks there isn’t a story to get. I missed meeting new people, telling their stories, and the excitement of not knowing what the day would bring.

Of course, there were parts I didn’t miss. The odd hours; insanely long board meetings where just a bit a common sense would have ended the meeting 3 hours ago; and instability of the industry.

After weighing all these pros and cons, I realized that journalism is where I need to be. It’s where I contribute the most to society. And it’s where I was the happiest.and stories that everyone can understand and learn from.

UPDATE: I am back in my choosen profession. I am a reporter again. It makes me laugh. It challenges me. It gets me out of the office. I get to meet new people. See new things and talk as much as I want.

I missed it. And it missed me.

Other people attempt to live their lives backwards; they try to have more things or more money, in order to do more of what they want, so they will be happier. The way it actually works is the reverse. You must first be who you really are then do what you need to do, in order to have what you want.  - Margaret Mead

Like I was saying, on Monday, I was very much reminded of what happen  and what keeps happening in record numbers due to the lagging economy – sudden and significant job losses. I currently work for a large, global corporation. It’s not in my field, nor a long-term assignment. Instead, this gig has provided the income and time needed to figure out what it is exactly that I want to do in life.

Anyways, on Monday, at least 8 mid-level managers were let know that in 60 days, they will be laid-off. This lay-off came as a complete shock to the entire building. And apparently it wasn’t the only building in the corporation to suffer lay-offs.  Monday has affectionately become known as ‘bloody Monday’ company-wide. The sting about  these lay-offs is that there appears to be no rhyme or reason as to why these specific people were chosen. It’s not based on seniority or performance. The rumor is it was random. Might I mention that one of these people was my direct boss.

Now here’s where I disagree with management and how our corporation is ran. Me personally, I would want there to be a reason, logic, thought – something – anything – that can be looked upon for an answer as to ‘Why me?’ Or ‘Why now?’ Because of the random theory, other mid-level managers are certainly worried. The look was evident. Also, staff at my level – entry-level – are worried about the same thing happening to us.

I am worried, but then again, I’m not. It just happened to me. So I’m prepared for it – since I’m still dealing with it. Besides, this job was never suppose to be a career to me. It’s my in-between. Hopefully, a year from now, I’m not writing on my blog that I’m still there. If so, then something I didn’t see coming, happened.

UPDATE: Two months after writing this entry, I got my wish. I got to leave my in-between job for a job I missed and still loved. It was a good move.

Perhaps one day this too will be pleasant to remember.

- Virgil

According to the opening seconds of DeGeneres’ latest commercial about Cover Girl and Olay’s ‘Simply Ageless’ line of products – including foundation and blush – hitting the television airways in recent weeks:

Inner beauty is important. But not nearly as important as outer beauty.

Wow. Talk about making you self conscious. I think this clearly sends out the wrong message about beauty. What ever happened to embracing your body, being accepting of yourself, empowering women and natural beauty? Using beauty products to enhance both your inner beauty and outer beauty? Maybe beauty is in the eye of the beholder – but no amount of  make-up in the world can disguise ugly inner beauty.

If you think about it from a marketing standpoint, CoverGirl has some stiff competition in the way of ‘real beauty’ marketing. In 2004, Dove launched its ‘Dove Campaign for Real Beauty.’Under the campaign, all ads strive to “realistically portray women accurately” in an effort not to create an “unrealistic or unattainable view of beauty,” according to its website, http://www.dove.us.

I wasn’t that much of a CoverGirl fan to begin with. Now, I’m certainly not. While my single boycott won’t bring down this global corporation or change their marketing ideals, it’s more of my message – and standing up for something I believe in - than anything else. And it speaks to the title of my blog.

I’m writing my happy ending- and in the process, discovering more about me – A. Marie.

I think my pocket book and my pores will forgive me.

Note – You can view the commercial on anasonrisas05‘s YouTube’s page –

http/w:/ww.youtube.com/watch?v=465dRpSGjR4.

In junior high, I was involved in two accidents, both of which required stitches. I was in a roller skating accident and needed six stitches right above my right eye. The follow summer, I was in a bicycle accident and need two or three stitches between my nose and upper lip. But due to money constraints, I only had stitches put in for one of my injuries. My parents didn’t have the money to take me to the ER for the bicycle accident. To this day, I have a scare that stitches would have prevented.

The other impact, would have been not having access to dental care. I would have benefited from braces. My front smile isn’t as good as it could be and I have an overbite. But beyond the braces, I didn’t go in for cleanings, check-ups or any other sort of preventive care.

I was ridiculed as child for my teeth. Over the years, it has certainly affected my self-esteem. I’m still working to fix the damage that could have been prevented.

Growing up, my older sister was very vocal about the fact that she couldn’t have braces. Imagine that – a teenager begging for braces! It’s an uncommon thought to most, but was a common occurrence at my house. As an adult, she was able to finally get braces – the invisible kind.

If I could afford it, I would do it too.

My oldest sister – who is 3 years older than me – was given a retainer with two false teeth attached to it when she was in junior high. It was the last major dental expense my parents had. Today, she still wears that retainer. She too, hasn’t been to a dentist in over 20 years – just like our parents.

The health care debates eventual solution, if any, probably won’t be in time to fix my parent’s dilemma. And it certainly can’t go back and fix my past. But maybe it will help another child’s future. And prevent at least one bad memory.

The impact of healthcare – and not having adequate access to it - started when I was a child. I am the youngest of 3 children. When I was in the 3rd grade, my dad lost his job working on the oil rigs for a major oil company. That’s when our health, eye, and dental insurance ended. The next time I had a co-pay instead of full cost for a doctor visit, I was in college. It was at the university’s health center.

That’s right. Between the 3rd grade and a junior in college – I had no health, dental or eye insurance. In fact, my parents – who are in their late 50s – still don’t. They haven’t had routine physicals or checkups in years. If either of them needs a doctor, it’s a visit to the local county health department and a financial crisis.

My family never recovered from my dad losing his job. The area was – and still is – economically depressed since the oil refinery left town when I was a young child. After losing his job, he went back to school – but never found a better job. He worked odd construction jobs for years, which was never reliable and 401k wasn’t part of the benefits. Now, he works for the local school district as a janitor. The insurance premium is too high and my dad can’t afford for any more money be taken from his meek paycheck.

During my father’s boughts of unemployment, my mother worked as a teacher’s aide. Again, little money and no benefits. Once in high school, all 3 of us kids got jobs and started to support ourselves in little ways. There’s been a couple times where we almost lost our house. In fact, that still happens today.

It concerns me what will happen to them as they get older. My dad is a long-time smoker whose head and neck shakes uncontrollably. He can’t hear that well. My mom has just as poor health. Poor eyesight and continued issues with high blood pressure and a history of heart disease all up and down her family tree. If anything serious is wrong with them, no one knows about it. It feels like a ticking time bomb that is going to go off. Not a matter of if, but a matter of when.

No retirement funds, no job security and no insurance. And transportation that isn’t reliable. I’d assume my sisters and I will have to pitch in and figure something out.

Just not sure what.

So what’s the catch? Maybe the frugal gods are shinning down on me. You know, like the time where you are garage shopping and you find a hidden gem! Anyways, I’m not sure what the catch is. As I explained it to my mom, I am a writer by trade. And I still have my desktop – which is slowing down more and more. Even if this laptop gives out in several months, I’ve still made a sound investment. I certainly can’t afford the nice chunk of change for the iMac I’ve been eyeing for a while.

Nothing. Nada. Not a visit. Not a reply. No feedback. Zilch. Zero.

I feel let down. I feel cheated. You read so many articles about how blogging is today’s new tech tool. It’s the way to connect. Well, nobody connected to my blog. It’s about this point in my reflections that I had a stereo-typical Homer Simpson moment, ‘ Doh!’

I simply forgot what my purpose for this blog was. It’s to say my peace about things. It’s to express myself.

Oh well if my stats are on par with our economy today. At least, I’ve said my peace.